I was truly blessed as a kid. I was born into and grew up in a loving family. Sure we had our disagreements and fights from time to time, but we always knew we were there for each other. And though no marriage is perfect, my brother, sisters, and I knew that our parents loved each other and loved us. To this day we remain a pretty close group.
Sadly, that is not the story for everyone. There are those who grew up in terrible circumstances. Some lived through horrendous abuse. Others were abandoned by the ones who were supposed to love and care for them. Circumstances such as these can leave physical, emotional, and spiritual scars on a person that can cause feelings of worthlessness and lead to struggles with feeling loved and accepted by others.
How does one overcome such challenges? Well, I’m not a counselor, therapist, or psychologist, so whatever advice I can give certainly doesn’t come from a professional perspective. What I do have to offer comes only from the heart.
I know it probably sounds trite, but I believe the ultimate answer lies with God. As I’ve mentioned before, he’s been in the business of fixing what is broken since the day Adam and Eve introduced sin to humanity. His love and grace makes all things possible.
We’ll begin with Paul, who had some very practical advice for us to meditate on. As he said to the Christians in Philippi, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).”
We all face challenges in life of varying degrees. Some are unquestionably more difficult than others. But there’s little doubt that dwelling on our problems doesn’t help us overcome them. The more our minds are filled with negative thoughts, the more the outcome is likely to be negative. It’s not that I’m a pollyanna power-of-positive-thinking person, but Paul’s advice is something we should heed.
Think about what is happening when we do as Paul suggests. When we direct our thoughts on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy, what would those thoughts lead us to? Would not these thoughts ultimately direct us to God himself? Jesus said that he is the way, the truth, and the life. If we are thinking about what is true, we would ultimately be led to Jesus. God is love. If we are thinking about what is lovely, we would ultimately be led to God. The Holy Spirit reveals all that is right. If we are thinking about what is right, that too would ultimately lead us to him.
Allowing our minds to routinely reside in darkness will simply keep us in that darkness. But allowing our minds to live in the light of God will bring about change in our perspective. That’s why we are encouraged to “fix our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2)” and “set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2.” That’s where the light is. Keeping our minds gazing on things below, such as on the terrible circumstance of life that made us feel worthless, will never bring us to the light.
Imagine for a moment a baseball player who is in a huge hitting slump. He just can’t seem to get a hit if his life depended on it. He thinks about it constantly. He has nightmares in his sleep of striking out with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth inning. It’s awful! He knows he’s letting his team down, but he just can’t seem to shake it. What is his way out?
Well, it certainly does him little to no good to keep dwelling on it. In fact, if he does, the negative thoughts may so consume him that he may never be able to get out of the slump his in. He could become convinced that his best days are behind him and he will never be a good hitter again.
That’s clearly not the way to go. At some point he must begin to refocus his thinking on things that can help him move forward. His approach must be transformed by the renewing of his mind (Romans 12:2).
That’s where Paul’s advice comes in. The more we think about excellent and praiseworthy things, the less we will fixate on all the negative stuff in our lives that weighs us down and makes us feel unloved and worthless. The more we fix our eyes on Jesus, the more we can move forward. To the degree by which we fix our eyes on him, the more we will recognize and experience his love and grace.
To live loved we must know we are loved, and God has clearly demonstrated his love for us. As we are told in what is perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).” We are also told, “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him (1 John 4:9). And finally, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).”
Do you see God’s love in this? Through Jesus, he died for you. Through Jesus, he gave you life – his life! You may have been abandoned by those on earth who should have been there for you and loved you, but God has never abandoned you. He lives his life in and through you. He can’t possibly get any closer to you than that. That’s how much worth you have in his eyes. You are that one lost sheep that he left the other ninety-nine to find. You are that lost coin that he spent all night searching for. You are that lost son whose life had become a foul mess, but he ran after you anyway to hug you and kiss you and welcome you home. You may not have had much of a family here on earth but you certainly have a family in God and all his children. You mean that much to him.
You might be thinking, “That’s easy for you to say. You grew up in wonderful circumstances.” True. I don’t deny it. But take a look at Paul’s life. Read 2 Corinthians 11 sometime about all the abuse that he went through. It is utterly amazing! And despite all the abuse he experienced, he could still say later in his life, “ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!… And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:4,7).
How could Paul rejoice in the Lord and experience the peace of God after being beaten, stoned, flogged, shipwrecked, left for dead, cold and naked, starving and thirsty, and everything else he went through? Only one way. His mind had been transformed by the love and grace of God. He knew he was loved because he had lived loved. He could have let all the nasty things that nasty people did to him get him down and lived in utter despair and darkness. But Paul knew Jesus and his love, and the love of Christ is far greater than any of the miseries this world can dish out.
Let yourself live in the love and grace of God. It’s essential for your life. It may take time, but it’s a far greater journey than living a life in darkness and hopelessness. Don’t let feelings of worthlessness take hold of you when the one who has paid the ultimate price for you says that you have invaluable worth to him. Let God show you how much you mean to him. Live in his love and let his peace bring peace to your troubled life.
Essential Grace 